Monday, February 4, 2008


Yeah, I'm a genius, a soothsayer. The one and only commenter to my rarely posted blog, you can suck my cock

I said in October the Patriots would remain undefeated and lose the Super Bowl.


Fuck you Massholes.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Stinespring channels his inner Mike Martz

This is Bryan Stinespring...this is the face of complete incompetence.

While he may look like he's dropping a deuce in the photo, he waited until last night's Orange Bowl to really crap the bed. When your running backs combine to rush for 138 yards on 27 carries for a robust 5.11 yards per carry, one would think you are having a successful day running the ball and an offense that is running quite efficiently. One would think that...but instead fuckface here decided to open up possession after possession with pass after pass. The one time all night that Stinespring was competent was the Hokies' last possession before the half and first possession in the 2nd half:

1st and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass complete to Josh Morgan for 3 yards to the VTech 35 out-of-bounds.

2nd and 7 at VT 35Branden Ore rush for 6 yards to the VTech 41.

3rd and 1 at VT 41Branden Ore rush for 10 yards to the Kans 49 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 49Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 45.

2nd and 6 at KU 45Branden Ore rush for 1 yard to the Kans 44.

3rd and 5 at KU 44Branden Ore rush for 8 yards to the Kans 36 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 36Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 32.

2nd and 6 at KU 32Sean Glennon rush for 2 yards to the Kans 32 for a 1ST down, Kansas penalty 15 yard face mask on John Larson accepted.

1st and 10 at KU 15Branden Ore rush for 3 yards to the Kans 12.

2nd and 7 at KU 12Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 8 out-of-bounds.

3rd and 3 at KU 8Branden Ore rush for 6 yards to the Kans 2 for a 1ST down.

1st and Goal at KU 2Branden Ore rush for 1 yard to the Kans 1.

2nd and Goal at KU 1Branden Ore rush for 1 yard for a TOUCHDOWN

Even then he tried to screw the pooch by opening with a pass and another pass called that led to the 2 yard Glennon run. But look at that. That's an offense dominating a defense. That's an O-line controlling the game. That's how you fucking win ball games when you're Virginia Tech.

First possession of the second half:

1st and 10 at VT 18Kansas penalty 15 yard pass interference on Chris Harris accepted, no play.

1st and 10 at VT 33Branden Ore rush for 14 yards to the VTech 47 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at VT 47Sean Glennon pass complete to Greg Boone for 37 yards to the Kans 16 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 16Branden Ore rush for 5 yards to the Kans 11.

2nd and 5 at KU 11Branden Ore rush for a loss of 1 yard to the Kans 12 out-of-bounds.

3rd and 6 at KU 12Branden Ore rush for 5 yards to the Kans 7.

4th and 1 at KU 7Jud Dunlevy 25 yard field goal BLOCKED.

The one yard loss was the only time Kansas' D made a play on the run. And what'd it all do? Set up for a tying FG (and no one should ever say shit about BeamerBall again because in every bowl game or big game the special teams shit the bed, it's as automatic as Stinespring calling for a fucking pass every damn play).

So two straight possessions have moved down the field that predominately featured the run. So when the start of the 4th quarter rolls around and you're still down 3 with plenty of time left, what should you do?

1st and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Josh Morgan.

2nd and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass complete to Carlton Weatherford for 2 yards to the VTech 34.

3rd and 8 at VT 34Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Justin Harper.

4th and 8 at VT 34Brent Bowden punt for 33 yards downed at the Kans 33.

Fuck up, that's what you do. What the fuck is that???

1st and 10 at VT 9Branden Ore rush for 2 yards to the VTech 11.

2nd and 8 at VT 11Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Justin Harper.

3rd and 8 at VT 11Sean Glennon pass intercepted by Justin Thornton at the VTech 32, returned for 30 yards to the

Deep in your own territory with still plenty of time left, what do you do? Give the game away. And guess what, throwing 40 yard bombs EVERY pass play doesn't fool anyone. Especially when your QB has a vagina for an arm and throws the rainbow 15 yards short every time.

Here are your final stats on this:

B. Ore231165.0114
K. Lewis Jr.4225.509

S. Glennon13/281605.712
T. Taylor1/3113.701

3 INTs led to 17 points in a 24-21 game. You know how you avoid INTs? YOU DON'T FUCKING THROW THE BALL.

VT averaged 5.5 yards per pass attempt with 5.11 yds per run. The ypa doesn't factor in sacks and yards lost there (5 for 32 yards). It also includes the B.S. completion to Greg Boone when he made the heads up play to pick the ball up off Eddie Royal and two defenders when Sean Glennon decided throwing into double coverage was a great idea, an idea he's had for 2 seasons now and as later INTs showed he still thinks is a great idea. So that should negate a completion for 37 yards making the VT QBs a combined 13/31 (41.9%) for 134 yards (4.32 ypa) which is fucking pathetic.

Why the fuck do you continue to call pass plays when there is such disparity between the success of running and passing? You just ran it straight down Kansas' throat to end the half when they knew you were going to run. They couldn't stop you. You could have run it all fucking night. This has been happening more and more the past few seasons. You know how Nebraska was built on the option attack then they brought in Callahan in install the West Coast offense? Yeah how'd that work out? Well Beamer's been doing the same in Blacksburg. How did Tech make 15 straight bowl games? A smash-mouth defense, a ball-control, power rushing offense, and yeah, some BeamerBall (it got them to bowl games, didn't win them). Now the past couple years they're getting more and more into a shotgun semi-spread offense for God knows what reason. They're throwing the ball like Steve Spurrier is running things. And what's it done? Beat weak teams and turn the ball over against good teams. You know the difference between that and the old O? NO FUCKING TURNOVERS. Seriously, fuck Sean Glennon. He fucking sucks. Oh wow he had a great game against Duke, stop the fucking presses. Show him the fucking bench and let him get good and cozy. Put Taylor back there, go to the I formation, and run the ball, run the option. run bootlegs, and run play action passes.

The only rationalization I can give for the shift is the 4 senior WRs we had. Maybe Beamer and Stinefuck didn't want to "waste" all that talent running the ball 35-40 times a game. Well now they're graduated and gone and next year's WRs are all going to be inexperienced and have zero snaps at the position. So Beamer, do the smart thing, can that no-talent fuck in the booth and run the fucking ball.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Define "Upset"

So I'm stuck at work on New Year's Day and want to perform sepuku. To keep up with the games I'm missing I have ESPN's College FB scoreboard open. On the top it has:

UPSET WATCH: #6 Missouri 14, Arkansas 0

First, I refreshed it just now, when it's 38-7 Mizzou in the 4th, so they're really not paying much attention there. Yeah, it's New Year's so I doubt the crack staff is there, but dammit if I'm at work doing my job then I'm gonna bitch when someone else isn't doing theirs.

But secondly, and the real issue here, how the hell is that an "upset watch"??? The #6 team in the land is up by two touchdowns on an unranked team? Is Les Miles running things up in Bristol over the holiday? An SEC team losing to a Big 12 team is automatically an upset watch? Someone please explain the logic here.

Upset Watch: Lions kill and eat a gazelle
Upset Watch: Keg of beer intoxicates whole frat house
Upset Watch: Casinos make money off gamblers
Upset Watch: George Clooney stole my date last night (HA mixed it up on ya with a real upset)

Oh boy, it's 2008...

...and I have to're killing me Smalls.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Say Timmy, I'll trade you this ball for your bat. Ok. *whap* What Have We Learned?

Well we learned that if you're gonna buy with straight cash homey.

Seriously though, you're killing me Smalls. Even though steroids and HGH weren't banned by baseball, they were still, umm..what's the word I'm looking for...ILLEGAL. Paper trails man, gotta avoid them.

Friday, November 30, 2007

See What Happens When you Research talk to people who know the person and get evidence of what he was actually like.

Then you can write excellent articles like this one. And this is all anyone who was a fan of Sean Taylor's is saying and asking:
"He was an extremely clean-cut, well-mannered kid. And that's what I remember. If there's another truth, fine. But I'd like to hear it from somebody who was really there."
Instead we just hear from Wilbon and Shrutebag and Shapiro and others absolute nonsense that isn't true, isn't based on facts or eye witness accounts or anything. But I guess everyone out there who ever knew Sean is just part of the Redskins' PR Department, right Wilbon?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why Can't Anyone Else in the Media Read This? (it's in your own paper Wilbon and Shapiro)

Exactly one month before Sean Taylor's death, the Washington Post ran this article. 35 players and not one bad thing to say, only love and respect. Coaches love him. Everyone saying he has matured. And most telling:
"You [the media] don't want to see the good in a person like Sean," Clinton Portis tells you.
That's all it is, plain and simple.

Ten Seconds of Research is Way Too Much

Does anyone in the media actually research anything before shooting their mouths and/or fingers off? Because again and again national voices are wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong on Sean Taylor which doesn't help a damn bit.

I normally like Jason Whitlock. I read him regularly and have followed his from ESPN to AOL to Fox Sports along with the occasional KC Star column. But he's dead wrong just like Wilbon, Cowherd, Mike and Mad Dog, and just about every other national media voice out there:
No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you've been murdered.
You know what, Whitlock? He did what he could to control how people saw him, especially the past 2 seasons. And you and everyone else just want to ignore it. You don't care what coaches and teammates have said about Sean. You don't care what Sean actually did the past 2 seasons. You don't care that the guy who accused Taylor of threatening him with a gun was a convicted criminal who had stolen Taylor's ATVs (and later caught again with another stolen ATV) and was the one who sprayed Taylor's vehicle with bullets. You don't care the case was thrown out, that Taylor's other brush with the law was a DUI charge that was thrown out by the judge because there was video evidence of Taylor passing his field sobriety test and there was no cause for the arrest. You don't care that Taylor's behavior with his employer was from his first full year in the league and that in the 2 and a half years after that he had matured greatly and was glowingly praised by his coaches. You don't care that Taylor went to every chapel service, that he and the team chaplain were incredibly close. None of you care that Taylor turned his life around and was doing everything RIGHT. Again, I'm beating this into the ground: Taylor's actions, choices, and decisions over the past 18 months should be lauded and praised. He should be trumpeted by the media for maturing, changing his life, doing what is right. But no, no one cares about that, no one cares to look at what Taylor did to "control how he was remembered" because that's the true tragedy in the story. Sean Taylor turned his life around, matured as a person and a football player. He cleaned up his act, did and said all the right things, and became a model teammate and citizen. He didn't have a gun in his house (would have violated his probation) and defended his fiancee and 18 month old daughter at night from an unknown attacker(s). What has he actually done wrong that anyone knows about? If it turns out later he had some shady dealings that somehow led to this then fine, discuss it all then. But as it stands right now and with everything the police are saying, Sean Taylor is 100% victim and everything he did is honorable and frankly heroic.

Taylor controlled how he would be remembered with his actions. And all anyone who knew him, which doesn't include Whitlock, Wilbon, Shapiro, Shrutebag, Mike & Mad Dog, or anyone else who has been drumming up the "This isn't shocking/he's a thug/he had it coming" story lines, all anyone who knew him has to say about him is he was a great person, a changed person, someone making all the right choices. That's an uplifting, admirable story that needs telling. But as Tony K said, "We sports writers are cynical and have to be." Says who?


This is all that Sean Taylor was "guilty" of doing.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ok now this is just all kinds of fucked up

Ok, AOL Fanhouse has this video up on their website.

Here's my reaction:

Fuck you Kornheiser

Fuck you Wilbon

Do you know what you two have in common with everyone else out there? You don't know shit that happened in Sean Taylor's house, the circumstances surrounding it, or anything. You don't know that this is something from Sean Taylor's past reaching out. You said it yourself Wilbon, you don't KNOW that anything Sean Taylor ever did had any impact on it at all other than he made enough money to buy a really nice house that might be targeted by thieves. So guess what? WAIT BEFORE YOU SPECULATE! Jesus, the guy wasn't dead yet before you blamed him and his past. He wasn't gone 24 hours before you reiterated that you weren't shocked and that Taylor basically got what he deserved. And he hasn't been gone 48 hours and you still are saying a) you don't know shit, and b) he's a thug. Only one of those is true.

Kornheiser's busy saying, "We're sports writers, it turns you cynical." Ok, fine, be cynical. But for fuck's sake be human about this for at least a couple days. Can't they at least bury the guy before you trash him (with incorrect "facts" and bullshit speculations). Here's how Kornheiser and Wilbon would have handled other tragedies (and I am in no way saying Taylor's death compares with these things but especially with some it's not that different).

Nov 22, 1963 5:30 PM EST

John F. Kennedy was assassinated today. He was pronounced dead at 1:00 PM CST. Now Tony, can we really be shocked by this? JFK had disastrously tried to overthrow Castro with the Bay of Pigs invasion, nearly brought the world to the brink of nuclear war with the Cuban Missile Crisis, and had numerous affairs with women including Marilyn Monroe. What do you think Tony?

Well c'mon Wilbon, what'd you expect? Castro hated this guy, Kruschev hated this guy, Joe DiMaggio hated this guy. I wouldn't be surprised if Joe D payed off this Lee Harvey guy especially since John's brother, Robert, may have had a hand in Marilyn's death.

Do you think you're being a little harsh Tony?

Look, I'm an old white guy who was once a somewhat younger old white guy, so don't tell me about what a white guy does or doesn't do. We had to expect this. JFK was living on borrowed time, heck he probably should have died when his destroyer went down so he should be thankful he made it this far...

Dec 7, 1941 5:30 PM EST

Big news today Tony, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor just before noon local time.

I saw that, big news out West. I think we all knew this was coming. The only real question was if the Japanese would go after Hawaii or Alaska.

Well it had to be Hawaii, look Tony, when you're the US and you cut off your trade of oil to a warring nation like Japan because they decided to invade and rape a bunch of countries, you have to expect them to want to come attack, invade, and rape you. Why is everyone so shocked and saddened by this?

I think it's because we're all Americans so deep down we root for America. That said, what else was going to happen? Japan was just going to ignore us and leave us alone? President Roosevelt HAD to know this was coming.

And you know what else Tony? I saw a picture, the caption said it was Cuba Gooding something or another, anyway, he was firing an AA gun at the Japanese. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU HAVE AN AA GUN? Ships with anti-aircraft guns are eventually going to be attacked by aircraft and the fact that this young man had that AA gun just shows you what is wrong with black America.

But Wilbon, how do you know that was his AA gun? Suppose he just ran to the only defense he had?

No Tony, sorry, but I'm not in the habit of having countriess with their own press secretaries tell me about black men and what they feel or don't feel. Pardon me if I'm not that easy.

April 14, 1865 5:30 PM EST

Wilbon, our fifth item today is news that President Lincoln was shot around noon today and is currently in critical condition.

Tony that's what happens when you force people to stay in a union. Lincoln gambled his presidency on keeping the South in the union and now his presidency is in jeopardy.

It is kind of shocking to see this happened in Ford's Theater, I've seen many fine plays there and there's never been a shooting there when I've been there.

Yeah but Tony where was Lincoln's bodyguard? In the bar next door drinking. I wouldn't be surprised if Lincoln had been there before the show and angered some of the patrons. When will Presidents learn you can't go out drinking with the masses and expect to be ok?

Well we don't know what all has happened but yes, if the President was out drinking beforehand then really, what did he expect?

I tell you what he expected, he expected to go in there, get some crunk juice, make it rain, then join his wife for a play as if nothing happened and he left his bodyguard there to take care of anyone he pissed off. Lincoln is just another Pacman Jones and no one should be shocked this is happened...

April 15, 1865 5:30 PM EST

A sad day today as Lincoln has died. Apparently, he was shot by a disgruntled actor, John Wilkes Booth, a Southern sympathizer. Wilbon, it appears that only his bodyguard went to the bar now, does that change your stance at all?

No, why should it, the bodyguard was still there and apparently even saw John Wilkes Booth there. What did he say to him? Did he flash his gun at Booth? Why did Lincoln hire a bodyguard who would go to a bar?

And why was Lincoln at the theater? He was shot by an actor, a theater really isn't the place to be if an actor is after you.

What a waste Tony. When will the nation wake up and realize you can't elect Presidents who will put themselves in harm's way so foolishly.

And this is just my last note on all of this. When Nixon died, papers, the nightly news, morning shows, etc. avoided mentioning Watergate. They talked about his accomplishments like his visit to China and foreign policy accomplishments. Why should sports writers be so cynical on the day of and day after a death? Plenty of time for that after some of the shock and mourning has passed.