Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Not the "original" 81

Insignificant piss ant


Tuesday, October 2, 2007

The Patriots are going to lose the Super Bowl

Wow, Tom Brady took pictures with a goat and was somehow named Best Dressed Man in the World or some shit. Thanks TMZ-Inside Edition-Entertainment Weekly-other random celebrity gossip shit that should never be on TV. Oh wait, I'm on ESPN...and it's Monday night...and there's a football game going on...and it's Monday Night Football....

You're Killing Me Smalls.

But you know what? I'm glad. I'm happy. Let ESPN's collection of windbags proclaim them the greatest team ever and a shoo-in for going 19-0, winning Super Bowl 42, and killing Osama bin Laden during the bye-week. You know why? They did the same thing two years ago for a certain USC team that featured two Heisman trophy winners. All I saw on Sportscenter around Christmas was segment after segment comparing this USC team that had yet to win a national title to all-time great teams. So what happened? They lost. They didn't win a national title. They weren't even the greatest team of their season, much less of all-time. Texas beat them. Reggie Bush fumbled and minus one run for TD was rather ineffective. Leinart did what he could but the USC D sucked. 2005-2006 National Champion? University of Texas. But hey, at least that USC team was better than just about every other team in history, that got them a trophy from ESPN right?

Fast forward one year. Surely ESPN has learned their lesson yes? Christmastime Sportscenters all proclaim Ohio State one of the greatest, if not the greatest, teams of all time. Heisman trophy candidate Troy Smith is unstoppable. Ted Ginn Jr. is electrifying. The OSU D is a beast. No one can beat them. Michigan came close but they fell short. Florida will be no match. Unlike Texas a year ago, this Florida team even has a loss. Some say they shouldn't be in the game. This has blowout written all over it. OSU is your national champion right? What, they got their asses handed to them? Ted Ginn Jr. was injured celebrating the opening kickoff return for a touchdown and his dad told him not to go back in the game? Troy Smith and the OSU offense was completely raped by the Florida D? UF's offense hung 47 on the vaunted OSU defense? You're joking right? OSU is one of the greatest teams ever. Who cares if they're not national champions. I bet they're just as good as last year's USC team who...umm...also didn't win.

There's a pattern here. ESPN loves to jump on the bandwagon. New England looks like a monster now. They look pretty damn good. They also have a lot of old linebackers. Laurence Maroney has already been (temporarily) bit with the injury bug and if you expect Sammy Morris to run like that on every defense then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to talk to you about. There are 12 more regular season and 3 playoff games left. Seen the Redskins' offensive line lately? Don't think a couple freak injuries to Matt Light and/or anyone else can't happen? Think their secondary can't breakdown again like in previous seasons? Think Randy Moss won't find a blue moon after a victory and toke up?

Fuck it, I'll say it right now. The Patriots aren't winning the Super Bowl. Period. I have zero scientific evidence to back it up. I have no proof or inside information. I don't even say it because I think they're going to miss the playoffs. Hell, I'll say they make the Super Bowl and Wes Welker returns the opening kickoff for a touchdown just so we can get every kind of symmetry involved here (see: 2007 National Championship game; Super Bowl XLI). But the Patriots are going to lose. ESPN will be apocalyptic for 3 weeks. Around the Horn will spend 90% of its time on it with 90% of that time focused on the Patriots and how they "screwed up," "got too cocky/complacent," and "lost the game" rather than whoever (Washington Redskins please, God) winning the game. It'll be called the biggest upset in history. Roll the requisite clips of Namath holding up his finger as he runs off the field of SB III, Villanova over Georgetown, and Buster Douglas beating Tyson. All because ESPN won't stop licking New England's nuts. Thanks ESPN, I'm glad you're fucking over someone like NE (and the Cowboys are about 2 wins away from being in the same position in the NFC).