Friday, January 4, 2008

Stinespring channels his inner Mike Martz

This is Bryan Stinespring...this is the face of complete incompetence.

While he may look like he's dropping a deuce in the photo, he waited until last night's Orange Bowl to really crap the bed. When your running backs combine to rush for 138 yards on 27 carries for a robust 5.11 yards per carry, one would think you are having a successful day running the ball and an offense that is running quite efficiently. One would think that...but instead fuckface here decided to open up possession after possession with pass after pass. The one time all night that Stinespring was competent was the Hokies' last possession before the half and first possession in the 2nd half:

1st and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass complete to Josh Morgan for 3 yards to the VTech 35 out-of-bounds.

2nd and 7 at VT 35Branden Ore rush for 6 yards to the VTech 41.

3rd and 1 at VT 41Branden Ore rush for 10 yards to the Kans 49 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 49Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 45.

2nd and 6 at KU 45Branden Ore rush for 1 yard to the Kans 44.

3rd and 5 at KU 44Branden Ore rush for 8 yards to the Kans 36 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 36Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 32.

2nd and 6 at KU 32Sean Glennon rush for 2 yards to the Kans 32 for a 1ST down, Kansas penalty 15 yard face mask on John Larson accepted.

1st and 10 at KU 15Branden Ore rush for 3 yards to the Kans 12.

2nd and 7 at KU 12Branden Ore rush for 4 yards to the Kans 8 out-of-bounds.

3rd and 3 at KU 8Branden Ore rush for 6 yards to the Kans 2 for a 1ST down.

1st and Goal at KU 2Branden Ore rush for 1 yard to the Kans 1.

2nd and Goal at KU 1Branden Ore rush for 1 yard for a TOUCHDOWN

Even then he tried to screw the pooch by opening with a pass and another pass called that led to the 2 yard Glennon run. But look at that. That's an offense dominating a defense. That's an O-line controlling the game. That's how you fucking win ball games when you're Virginia Tech.

First possession of the second half:

1st and 10 at VT 18Kansas penalty 15 yard pass interference on Chris Harris accepted, no play.

1st and 10 at VT 33Branden Ore rush for 14 yards to the VTech 47 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at VT 47Sean Glennon pass complete to Greg Boone for 37 yards to the Kans 16 for a 1ST down.

1st and 10 at KU 16Branden Ore rush for 5 yards to the Kans 11.

2nd and 5 at KU 11Branden Ore rush for a loss of 1 yard to the Kans 12 out-of-bounds.

3rd and 6 at KU 12Branden Ore rush for 5 yards to the Kans 7.

4th and 1 at KU 7Jud Dunlevy 25 yard field goal BLOCKED.

The one yard loss was the only time Kansas' D made a play on the run. And what'd it all do? Set up for a tying FG (and no one should ever say shit about BeamerBall again because in every bowl game or big game the special teams shit the bed, it's as automatic as Stinespring calling for a fucking pass every damn play).

So two straight possessions have moved down the field that predominately featured the run. So when the start of the 4th quarter rolls around and you're still down 3 with plenty of time left, what should you do?

1st and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Josh Morgan.

2nd and 10 at VT 32Sean Glennon pass complete to Carlton Weatherford for 2 yards to the VTech 34.

3rd and 8 at VT 34Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Justin Harper.

4th and 8 at VT 34Brent Bowden punt for 33 yards downed at the Kans 33.

Fuck up, that's what you do. What the fuck is that???

1st and 10 at VT 9Branden Ore rush for 2 yards to the VTech 11.

2nd and 8 at VT 11Sean Glennon pass incomplete to Justin Harper.

3rd and 8 at VT 11Sean Glennon pass intercepted by Justin Thornton at the VTech 32, returned for 30 yards to the

Deep in your own territory with still plenty of time left, what do you do? Give the game away. And guess what, throwing 40 yard bombs EVERY pass play doesn't fool anyone. Especially when your QB has a vagina for an arm and throws the rainbow 15 yards short every time.

Here are your final stats on this:

B. Ore231165.0114
K. Lewis Jr.4225.509

S. Glennon13/281605.712
T. Taylor1/3113.701

3 INTs led to 17 points in a 24-21 game. You know how you avoid INTs? YOU DON'T FUCKING THROW THE BALL.

VT averaged 5.5 yards per pass attempt with 5.11 yds per run. The ypa doesn't factor in sacks and yards lost there (5 for 32 yards). It also includes the B.S. completion to Greg Boone when he made the heads up play to pick the ball up off Eddie Royal and two defenders when Sean Glennon decided throwing into double coverage was a great idea, an idea he's had for 2 seasons now and as later INTs showed he still thinks is a great idea. So that should negate a completion for 37 yards making the VT QBs a combined 13/31 (41.9%) for 134 yards (4.32 ypa) which is fucking pathetic.

Why the fuck do you continue to call pass plays when there is such disparity between the success of running and passing? You just ran it straight down Kansas' throat to end the half when they knew you were going to run. They couldn't stop you. You could have run it all fucking night. This has been happening more and more the past few seasons. You know how Nebraska was built on the option attack then they brought in Callahan in install the West Coast offense? Yeah how'd that work out? Well Beamer's been doing the same in Blacksburg. How did Tech make 15 straight bowl games? A smash-mouth defense, a ball-control, power rushing offense, and yeah, some BeamerBall (it got them to bowl games, didn't win them). Now the past couple years they're getting more and more into a shotgun semi-spread offense for God knows what reason. They're throwing the ball like Steve Spurrier is running things. And what's it done? Beat weak teams and turn the ball over against good teams. You know the difference between that and the old O? NO FUCKING TURNOVERS. Seriously, fuck Sean Glennon. He fucking sucks. Oh wow he had a great game against Duke, stop the fucking presses. Show him the fucking bench and let him get good and cozy. Put Taylor back there, go to the I formation, and run the ball, run the option. run bootlegs, and run play action passes.

The only rationalization I can give for the shift is the 4 senior WRs we had. Maybe Beamer and Stinefuck didn't want to "waste" all that talent running the ball 35-40 times a game. Well now they're graduated and gone and next year's WRs are all going to be inexperienced and have zero snaps at the position. So Beamer, do the smart thing, can that no-talent fuck in the booth and run the fucking ball.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Define "Upset"

So I'm stuck at work on New Year's Day and want to perform sepuku. To keep up with the games I'm missing I have ESPN's College FB scoreboard open. On the top it has:

UPSET WATCH: #6 Missouri 14, Arkansas 0

First, I refreshed it just now, when it's 38-7 Mizzou in the 4th, so they're really not paying much attention there. Yeah, it's New Year's so I doubt the crack staff is there, but dammit if I'm at work doing my job then I'm gonna bitch when someone else isn't doing theirs.

But secondly, and the real issue here, how the hell is that an "upset watch"??? The #6 team in the land is up by two touchdowns on an unranked team? Is Les Miles running things up in Bristol over the holiday? An SEC team losing to a Big 12 team is automatically an upset watch? Someone please explain the logic here.

Upset Watch: Lions kill and eat a gazelle
Upset Watch: Keg of beer intoxicates whole frat house
Upset Watch: Casinos make money off gamblers
Upset Watch: George Clooney stole my date last night (HA mixed it up on ya with a real upset)

Oh boy, it's 2008...

...and I have to're killing me Smalls.