Thursday, December 13, 2007
Seriously though, you're killing me Smalls. Even though steroids and HGH weren't banned by baseball, they were still, umm..what's the word I'm looking for...ILLEGAL. Paper trails man, gotta avoid them.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Then you can write excellent articles like this one. And this is all anyone who was a fan of Sean Taylor's is saying and asking:
"He was an extremely clean-cut, well-mannered kid. And that's what I remember. If there's another truth, fine. But I'd like to hear it from somebody who was really there."Instead we just hear from Wilbon and Shrutebag and Shapiro and others absolute nonsense that isn't true, isn't based on facts or eye witness accounts or anything. But I guess everyone out there who ever knew Sean is just part of the Redskins' PR Department, right Wilbon?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
"You [the media] don't want to see the good in a person like Sean," Clinton Portis tells you.That's all it is, plain and simple.
I normally like Jason Whitlock. I read him regularly and have followed his from ESPN to AOL to Fox Sports along with the occasional KC Star column. But he's dead wrong just like Wilbon, Cowherd, Mike and Mad Dog, and just about every other national media voice out there:
No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you've been murdered.You know what, Whitlock? He did what he could to control how people saw him, especially the past 2 seasons. And you and everyone else just want to ignore it. You don't care what coaches and teammates have said about Sean. You don't care what Sean actually did the past 2 seasons. You don't care that the guy who accused Taylor of threatening him with a gun was a convicted criminal who had stolen Taylor's ATVs (and later caught again with another stolen ATV) and was the one who sprayed Taylor's vehicle with bullets. You don't care the case was thrown out, that Taylor's other brush with the law was a DUI charge that was thrown out by the judge because there was video evidence of Taylor passing his field sobriety test and there was no cause for the arrest. You don't care that Taylor's behavior with his employer was from his first full year in the league and that in the 2 and a half years after that he had matured greatly and was glowingly praised by his coaches. You don't care that Taylor went to every chapel service, that he and the team chaplain were incredibly close. None of you care that Taylor turned his life around and was doing everything RIGHT. Again, I'm beating this into the ground: Taylor's actions, choices, and decisions over the past 18 months should be lauded and praised. He should be trumpeted by the media for maturing, changing his life, doing what is right. But no, no one cares about that, no one cares to look at what Taylor did to "control how he was remembered" because that's the true tragedy in the story. Sean Taylor turned his life around, matured as a person and a football player. He cleaned up his act, did and said all the right things, and became a model teammate and citizen. He didn't have a gun in his house (would have violated his probation) and defended his fiancee and 18 month old daughter at night from an unknown attacker(s). What has he actually done wrong that anyone knows about? If it turns out later he had some shady dealings that somehow led to this then fine, discuss it all then. But as it stands right now and with everything the police are saying, Sean Taylor is 100% victim and everything he did is honorable and frankly heroic.
Taylor controlled how he would be remembered with his actions. And all anyone who knew him, which doesn't include Whitlock, Wilbon, Shapiro, Shrutebag, Mike & Mad Dog, or anyone else who has been drumming up the "This isn't shocking/he's a thug/he had it coming" story lines, all anyone who knew him has to say about him is he was a great person, a changed person, someone making all the right choices. That's an uplifting, admirable story that needs telling. But as Tony K said, "We sports writers are cynical and have to be." Says who?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Here's my reaction:
Fuck you Kornheiser
Fuck you Wilbon
Do you know what you two have in common with everyone else out there? You don't know shit that happened in Sean Taylor's house, the circumstances surrounding it, or anything. You don't know that this is something from Sean Taylor's past reaching out. You said it yourself Wilbon, you don't KNOW that anything Sean Taylor ever did had any impact on it at all other than he made enough money to buy a really nice house that might be targeted by thieves. So guess what? WAIT BEFORE YOU SPECULATE! Jesus, the guy wasn't dead yet before you blamed him and his past. He wasn't gone 24 hours before you reiterated that you weren't shocked and that Taylor basically got what he deserved. And he hasn't been gone 48 hours and you still are saying a) you don't know shit, and b) he's a thug. Only one of those is true.
Kornheiser's busy saying, "We're sports writers, it turns you cynical." Ok, fine, be cynical. But for fuck's sake be human about this for at least a couple days. Can't they at least bury the guy before you trash him (with incorrect "facts" and bullshit speculations). Here's how Kornheiser and Wilbon would have handled other tragedies (and I am in no way saying Taylor's death compares with these things but especially with some it's not that different).
Nov 22, 1963 5:30 PM EST
John F. Kennedy was assassinated today. He was pronounced dead at 1:00 PM CST. Now Tony, can we really be shocked by this? JFK had disastrously tried to overthrow Castro with the Bay of Pigs invasion, nearly brought the world to the brink of nuclear war with the Cuban Missile Crisis, and had numerous affairs with women including Marilyn Monroe. What do you think Tony?
Well c'mon Wilbon, what'd you expect? Castro hated this guy, Kruschev hated this guy, Joe DiMaggio hated this guy. I wouldn't be surprised if Joe D payed off this Lee Harvey guy especially since John's brother, Robert, may have had a hand in Marilyn's death.
Do you think you're being a little harsh Tony?
Look, I'm an old white guy who was once a somewhat younger old white guy, so don't tell me about what a white guy does or doesn't do. We had to expect this. JFK was living on borrowed time, heck he probably should have died when his destroyer went down so he should be thankful he made it this far...
Dec 7, 1941 5:30 PM EST
Big news today Tony, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor just before noon local time.
I saw that, big news out West. I think we all knew this was coming. The only real question was if the Japanese would go after Hawaii or Alaska.
Well it had to be Hawaii, look Tony, when you're the US and you cut off your trade of oil to a warring nation like Japan because they decided to invade and rape a bunch of countries, you have to expect them to want to come attack, invade, and rape you. Why is everyone so shocked and saddened by this?
I think it's because we're all Americans so deep down we root for America. That said, what else was going to happen? Japan was just going to ignore us and leave us alone? President Roosevelt HAD to know this was coming.
And you know what else Tony? I saw a picture, the caption said it was Cuba Gooding something or another, anyway, he was firing an AA gun at the Japanese. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU HAVE AN AA GUN? Ships with anti-aircraft guns are eventually going to be attacked by aircraft and the fact that this young man had that AA gun just shows you what is wrong with black America.
But Wilbon, how do you know that was his AA gun? Suppose he just ran to the only defense he had?
No Tony, sorry, but I'm not in the habit of having countriess with their own press secretaries tell me about black men and what they feel or don't feel. Pardon me if I'm not that easy.
April 14, 1865 5:30 PM EST
Wilbon, our fifth item today is news that President Lincoln was shot around noon today and is currently in critical condition.
Tony that's what happens when you force people to stay in a union. Lincoln gambled his presidency on keeping the South in the union and now his presidency is in jeopardy.
It is kind of shocking to see this happened in Ford's Theater, I've seen many fine plays there and there's never been a shooting there when I've been there.
Yeah but Tony where was Lincoln's bodyguard? In the bar next door drinking. I wouldn't be surprised if Lincoln had been there before the show and angered some of the patrons. When will Presidents learn you can't go out drinking with the masses and expect to be ok?
Well we don't know what all has happened but yes, if the President was out drinking beforehand then really, what did he expect?
I tell you what he expected, he expected to go in there, get some crunk juice, make it rain, then join his wife for a play as if nothing happened and he left his bodyguard there to take care of anyone he pissed off. Lincoln is just another Pacman Jones and no one should be shocked this is happened...
April 15, 1865 5:30 PM EST
A sad day today as Lincoln has died. Apparently, he was shot by a disgruntled actor, John Wilkes Booth, a Southern sympathizer. Wilbon, it appears that only his bodyguard went to the bar now, does that change your stance at all?
No, why should it, the bodyguard was still there and apparently even saw John Wilkes Booth there. What did he say to him? Did he flash his gun at Booth? Why did Lincoln hire a bodyguard who would go to a bar?
And why was Lincoln at the theater? He was shot by an actor, a theater really isn't the place to be if an actor is after you.
What a waste Tony. When will the nation wake up and realize you can't elect Presidents who will put themselves in harm's way so foolishly.
And this is just my last note on all of this. When Nixon died, papers, the nightly news, morning shows, etc. avoided mentioning Watergate. They talked about his accomplishments like his visit to China and foreign policy accomplishments. Why should sports writers be so cynical on the day of and day after a death? Plenty of time for that after some of the shock and mourning has passed.
This has been a tough week that's only been getting tougher. I'm a huge Redskins fan and Sean Taylor's death hurts. No I didn't know him, never met him. As a Virginia Tech fan, and because of UM's incredible teams when he was there, I'd seen him play quite a bit in college. He was part of all the excitement of Gibbs' return to coaching. He was an incredible athlete who could run and hit with the best of them. He was fun to watch and he gave it his all on the field. As With Leather put it, "I don't think Taylor understood not trying, and that's why NFL fans -- not to mention the Taylor family -- have lost something special. " That's why this all sucks. Sean Taylor was special. He was having a break out season that showed what an athletic freak he was and disciplined football player he'd become. He didn't understand not trying which is all fans want from athletes. Everyone on the team loved him. Just go read quote after quote from players and coaches. Gregg Williams could barely hold it together, Pierson Prioleau couldn't speak to reporters, Reed Doughty broke down mid-question, Snyder was so subdued in the press conference and looked absolutely devastated, it keeps going. This guy was a great football player, a great teammate, and a great person. I've gotten choked up quite a few times the past couple days, especially when someone at Extreme Skins directed people to the Cowboys' message board. Fans, coaches, and players around the league have all been supportive and it's one of the things that I think makes sports so special because we can put our "hatred" for the other team aside when something real happens.
But, as with everything, some people are fucks and there's no other way to say it.
The worst, and he's been lambasted all around DC, has been the Washington Post's own Michael Wilbon. He's been in DC longer than Sean Taylor so he has no excuse for being so wrong and out of touch here. He and Kornheiser are the two highest profile sports writers in the DC area but you'd think he was some morning sports radio talk show host with his ignorant comments (that he stands behind). Monday, before Taylor had passed away, Wilbon said in a WP chat:
I know how I feel about Taylor, and this latest news isn’t surprising in the least, not to me. Whether this incident is or isn’t random, Taylor grew up in a violent world, embraced it, claimed it, loved to run in it and refused to divorce himself from it. He ain’t the first and won’t be the last. We have no idea what happened, or if what we know now will be revised later. It’s sad, yes, but hardly surprising.As Chris Mottram at Mr. Irrelevant said, Wilbon sounds like he's saying Taylor had this coming. What it also shows is absolutely no shred of truth. The only violence Taylor embraced in any way was on the football field. Everything, EVERYTHING, about him has been that, between his daughter's birth and his no contest plea to misdemeanor assault 18 months ago, Taylor was a changed man. He moved his fiancee and daughter to a nice, safe neighborhood where, as his next door neighbor said in the Miami paper, they never had any problems there. As another blog noted, he had a machete for protection instead of a gun in following his probation (unlike say Tank Johnson). "Refused to divorce himself from it"? Bullshit. Then, Tuesday night on Sportscenter, that exact quote was brought up to Wilbon and he again said he believed and backed what he said 100%. Again, bullshit. That is out and out bullshit and you are a DC sports writer who should know better. Later, Wilbon had this exchange:
Columbia, Md.: What makes you think that Taylor was still embracing his old ways? Everything we have heard from the Redskins and Portis is that this is a new Sean. Apparently the birth of his child really helped to straighten him out. Is this contrary to what you know?
Michael Wilbon: Sorry, but I'm not in the habit of having companies with their own public relations agenda tell me about black men and what they feel or don't feel. Pardon me if I'm not that easy.
So Wilbon's not in the habit of having others tell you how Taylor felt? So then he must have talked to Taylor right? Wilbon knows exactly who Taylor was through interviews with him and family members, obviously no one from the Redskins like Clinton Portis (a black man) who said this:
"Ever since Sean had his little girl, it was like a new Sean. He was always smiling, always happy, always talking about his child. It was good to see Sean walk by smiling."Portis obviously got that line and others from the Skins' PR Dept. How does Wilbon know better than Taylor's best friend, his teammates, his coaches? He doesn't and he's full of shit. Still later he adds:
Again, I'm not the least bit surprised about the Taylor episode ... why would I be considering his history, even since he joined the Redskins?But you didn't consider his history since joining the Redskins. You looked at accusations which were dismissed from 2 or more years ago. You saw a DUI which a judge tossed out because he had passed the field sobriety test and assault charges that had no evidence, were dropped and led to a no contest plea to a misdemeanor and probation. What about his recent history? What about what EVERYONE WHO KNOWS HIM (unlike you) is saying? Mr. Irrelevant is right, there's a special place in Hell waiting for you if that's how you treat this and other situations.
You know what else has nothing to do with anything that happened in Miami? The 7 late hits Taylor has been fined for in 3 and a half seasons. But ESPN keeps including that stat with everything else (which is the only reason I know it) as if that had a role in Taylor's slaying. Maybe this is kind of nitpicky but if something happened to Roy Williams, John Lynch, Brian Dawkins, or Brian Urlacher or even say Kimo von Oelhoffen for his hit on Carson Palmer would late hits be an issue? Why can't the media show Taylor's turn around and how he was getting everything right in his life? This growth and maturing is part of why Redskins fans are taking it so hard.
David Steele's excellent read from Tuesday morning highlighted more concerns. Shrutebag and some other (different show) talk radio host were busy saying he was gunned down because he wasn't a good guy like Tiki or Tom Brady and that he's no different from Pacman Jones or Tank Johnson (to be fair to Tank my opinion of him has softened following the ESPN the Mag article). Apparently Tiki and Tom don't have to worry about home invasion and Sean Taylor was signed up for the next Wrestlemania while he rehabbed his knee. Why can't they focus on the good, at least when he's only been gone for a couple hours? And why all the focus on the negatives which you then wish to misrepresent? Everyone's pulling a Peter King here and saying, "We don't know what happened...buuuuut can we be surprised/he had this coming/he's a thug."
How about we start with the good, and if later it turns out he bears some responsibility for what happened we talk about it then, you know, more than 12 hours after he died? Is that too much to ask? There's plenty of positives to talk about between his play on the field, his work for charities, his work with fans and kids, the money he's donated to charities and places like his high school (where again, he went and talked with the kids there). Did he make some mistakes when he first got into the league? Yes. Did he learn from them? YES! He needs to be trumpeted as the model for what Pacman and Vick needed to do. Move away from rough neighborhoods and get rid of friends who will get you mixed up in trouble. Here's the poster boy of what you need to do and all the media wants to say is, "No you can't change, you're that way forever, you're a thug, a lowlife, a trouble-maker, and if you get shot? You're own damn fault." That's fucked up.
There's a reason DC and Miami are so torn up about all of this. And a lot of the fans around the league see it and know why. Sean Taylor was a man who was good at his job, that his co-workers respected and loved, and that anyone would be proud to call a friend. Why can't the media talk about that?
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Best part of the article? Calling for Mike Vanderjagt. If you're saying someone is no longer good you go to Vanderjagt before Vinatieri. Vanderjagt is the one who missed by about half a football field against Pittsburgh in the playoffs the year before the Colts won the Super Bowl. Vanderjagt is the one who rubbed his fingers because he was so moneeeeeey before shanking a shot against New England in the season opener the year before that. If teams are going to bring back Morton Anderson and Martin Gramatica before trusting Vanderjagt, that should tell you something.
Adam Vinatieri...not "good." Fuckin' moron.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
You're Killing Me Smalls.
But you know what? I'm glad. I'm happy. Let ESPN's collection of windbags proclaim them the greatest team ever and a shoo-in for going 19-0, winning Super Bowl 42, and killing Osama bin Laden during the bye-week. You know why? They did the same thing two years ago for a certain USC team that featured two Heisman trophy winners. All I saw on Sportscenter around Christmas was segment after segment comparing this USC team that had yet to win a national title to all-time great teams. So what happened? They lost. They didn't win a national title. They weren't even the greatest team of their season, much less of all-time. Texas beat them. Reggie Bush fumbled and minus one run for TD was rather ineffective. Leinart did what he could but the USC D sucked. 2005-2006 National Champion? University of Texas. But hey, at least that USC team was better than just about every other team in history, that got them a trophy from ESPN right?
Fast forward one year. Surely ESPN has learned their lesson yes? Christmastime Sportscenters all proclaim Ohio State one of the greatest, if not the greatest, teams of all time. Heisman trophy candidate Troy Smith is unstoppable. Ted Ginn Jr. is electrifying. The OSU D is a beast. No one can beat them. Michigan came close but they fell short. Florida will be no match. Unlike Texas a year ago, this Florida team even has a loss. Some say they shouldn't be in the game. This has blowout written all over it. OSU is your national champion right? What, they got their asses handed to them? Ted Ginn Jr. was injured celebrating the opening kickoff return for a touchdown and his dad told him not to go back in the game? Troy Smith and the OSU offense was completely raped by the Florida D? UF's offense hung 47 on the vaunted OSU defense? You're joking right? OSU is one of the greatest teams ever. Who cares if they're not national champions. I bet they're just as good as last year's USC team who...umm...also didn't win.
There's a pattern here. ESPN loves to jump on the bandwagon. New England looks like a monster now. They look pretty damn good. They also have a lot of old linebackers. Laurence Maroney has already been (temporarily) bit with the injury bug and if you expect Sammy Morris to run like that on every defense then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to talk to you about. There are 12 more regular season and 3 playoff games left. Seen the Redskins' offensive line lately? Don't think a couple freak injuries to Matt Light and/or anyone else can't happen? Think their secondary can't breakdown again like in previous seasons? Think Randy Moss won't find a blue moon after a victory and toke up?
Fuck it, I'll say it right now. The Patriots aren't winning the Super Bowl. Period. I have zero scientific evidence to back it up. I have no proof or inside information. I don't even say it because I think they're going to miss the playoffs. Hell, I'll say they make the Super Bowl and Wes Welker returns the opening kickoff for a touchdown just so we can get every kind of symmetry involved here (see: 2007 National Championship game; Super Bowl XLI). But the Patriots are going to lose. ESPN will be apocalyptic for 3 weeks. Around the Horn will spend 90% of its time on it with 90% of that time focused on the Patriots and how they "screwed up," "got too cocky/complacent," and "lost the game" rather than whoever (Washington Redskins please, God) winning the game. It'll be called the biggest upset in history. Roll the requisite clips of Namath holding up his finger as he runs off the field of SB III, Villanova over Georgetown, and Buster Douglas beating Tyson. All because ESPN won't stop licking New England's nuts. Thanks ESPN, I'm glad you're fucking over someone like NE (and the Cowboys are about 2 wins away from being in the same position in the NFC).
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Every other year the past 7 years, a black QB has been on the cover of Madden. For comparison's sake I'll go ahead and post all the white QBs (and heck all the white players) who have been on the cover of Madden:
That about wraps them up, almost too many to handle there. You know who the only white guy ever on Madden was? That's right, this guy:
The guy it's named after. Now, I'm not going to pretend there is no racism in this country. But honestly, who has received more criticism from the media the past ten years? Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, David Carr, Eli Manning, Brian Griese, Jake Plummer, Jake Delhomme, Drew Bledsoe, Rex Grossman, Kurt Warner, Joey Harrington, Jay Fiedler, Chad Pennington, Kyle Boller, Jeff George pre-Super Bowl Peyton Manning, and past couple seasons Brett Favre? Or Donovan McNabb, Dante Culpepper, Vince Young, pre-dog fighting Mike Vick, Steve McNair, Byron Leftwich, David Garrard, Jason Campbell, Akili Smith, or Kordell Stewart? McNabb may want to complain about the fans booing but it's fuckin Philly for Christ's sake, what's he expect? And did he miss Chad Pennington and the Jets week 1? What about how Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, David Carr, Jeff George, Joey Harrington all being labeled busts (most cases colossal)? Steve McNair being brought in to replace Kyle Boller? Heck, the whole Leftwich drama came about because the coach and player hated each other. The media was caught completely off guard when he was cut and then all the talk was, "How has no team signed this guy yet?" Why does Donovan feel the need to say this other than to get his name in the paper? Why does Larry Johnson go say, "I respect Herm Edwards and love playing for him, I hated playing for Dick Vermeil, black players can't play for white coaches"? What is the appeal of playing the race card? If McNabb was cut tomorrow, Chicago, Miami, both New Yorks, Buffalo, Minnesota, Jacksonville, Baltimore, Kansas City, and Atlanta would all welcome him with open arms with Cleveland and Arizona also inclined. No one is looking at him saying, "Oh he's black, maybe we wouldn't want him." The only reason a team might not want him is he's coming off knee surgery (see: Culpepper, Daunte 2006). The Redskins have been ecstatic with Jason Campbell since he was drafted despite the white QBs in front of him. All anyone can say is how poised he looks despite so little experience. Mike Vick found constant support before he decided flipping off fans, and then later killing dogs, was acceptable behavior for a team leader. Culpepper's struggles last year were attributed to his injury (despite the horrendous start sans Randy Moss the year before prior to his knee injury). Steve McNair claimed Tennessee treated him the way they did because he was black. Then shortly after his release, Steve Fisher and Billy Volek had a rather public pissing match that led to Volek being traded amidst claims he was lied to about his chances at earning the starting spot. Kerry Collins was brought in a for the first couple games then Vince Young was given the reigns. Despite less than gaudy stats, Young is this year's Madden Cover Boy and McNair was/is (barring injury) Baltimore's starter (over the white Kyle Boller who has received nothing but criticism in B-more). Even the most recent QB controversy with Leftwich in Jacksonville led to him being released so that the equally black David Garrard could start. You know what all of this looks like? Typical movement of quarterbacks regardless of race.
Even the media's response to all of this does little for McNabb's case. Blogs are mixed in reaction between indifference to mild support/rejection. Compare that to what Rush Limbaugh said in 2003:
"The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team."
They're comments are nearly identical. The only difference is McNabb says the media is tougher on black QBs and Limbaugh said the media was easier on black QBs. Limbaugh's comments caused a huge uproar that led to his resignation while McNabb hasn't dealt with any backlash other than a couple questions from reporters asking him to confirm he stands behind his statement.
You know who's looking at this the right way? Mr. Poise himself, Jason Campbell:
"As a player and as an African-American quarterback, sometimes you have to support other African-American quarterbacks in the league. At the same time, that is something I can't get caught up in. That's his opinion and some other peoples' opinions, but I look at everybody the same. I respect everybody the same, anybody who plays the quarterback position. It's the hardest position to play in professional sports. I support any guy that's in a starting position or getting playing time in the quarterback position. You get graded, you get rated differently than any other position on the field.
"For 90 percent of the game you have the ball in your hands, and everyone's watching you and all the mistakes that you make. Since you are in the spotlight, everything gets noticed. It's a tough position to play, but at the same time you have to have a short memory. I don't look at it as a color issue; I look at it as all of us in a brotherhood together."
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Recent example: "Jon Gruden Stole Signs in the Super Bowl -- That Was OK, Bill Belichick Is Different"
"[A]nd in fact I believe the single greatest coaching job I've ever seen was done by Jon Gruden in Super Bowl XXXVII. Gruden had previously coached the Raiders, and the Raiders were continuing to run the offense Gruden ran in Oakland. So Gruden taught his Buccaneers defense everything the Raiders did offensively, including audible calls. That's a form of sign stealing."
You're killing me Smalls.
How on God's green Earth is that stealing? Stealing is taking something from someone that doesn't belong to you. Gruden gave the Raiders their offense and audibles. Guess what, Bill Callahan is a fucking moron for not changing them at all, especially in the week he had before the Super Bowl when he knew he going against his former boss and his team's former coach. I bet the Bucs switched up their signals, and Gruden hates changing anything about his offense (part of the reason he doesn't start Chris Simms is Sims is a lefty and Gruden doesn't want to change his entire offense to compensate for the reverse in routes/protection). Either way, it's not stealing. The audibles and plays were brought in by who? Jon Gruden. So how did he steal them? He didn't. He said, "Hey defense, if they say 'Blue 720' that means it's a run left."
Super Bowl XXXVII
Rich Gannon walks to the line. Dexter Jackson is 14 yards off the line, Derrick Brooks is playing a little deeper than usual, and the nickel back is in. Gannon audibles, "Running play to the left off tackle on 2...running play to the left on 2." Immediately Warren Sapp and Brooks shift to their right (Gannon's left), Jackson creeps forward, and Rhonde Barber steps in toward the line as Gannon gets under center. On the second "hut" Sapp gets a monster jump and the whole D converges at the Oakland left tackle. According to Michael Douchebag Smith, the Bucs stole signals. No, fuckhead, that's called using common knowledge (and common sense) to improve your situation. And everyone on the Raiders staff knew who the Tampa Bay coach was and knew he knew the audibles from the previous seasons. Belichick deliberately broke league rules (misinterpretation my ass) and videotaped the opponents' signals to sync up with their defense and wired his defensive linemen like an FBI sting operation to record offensive audibles to again sync up with their plays. It's clearly stated to be illegal and it's cheating. That is stealing signals and in no way is it similar at all to what Gruden did (or really, what Callahan didn't do). A real world example would be insider trading. If it's public knowledge that a company is about to declare bankruptcy then it's legal to sell off the stock as soon as possible to maximize gain/minimize loss. If you're the accountant for your company and you realize the company is about to declare bankruptcy in the next couple months so you sell off all your stock weeks before the report is public that is insider trading and your ass is going to jail (ask Martha). But don't tell that to Shrutebag lite. The ol' pot stirrer decided he needed to make a little noise and used a shady headline with the express purpose of causing controversy.
But hey, lest he stick to ridiculous comparisons, he can get quite melodramatic. Apparently if your big rival decides to jump into your stands, you should welcome him with open arms.
"I know a lot of people will say Johnson got what was coming to him for jumping into the stands at the opposing stadium, but there's no excuse for fans dousing a player in beer, and if those fans can be identified, the team shouldn't allow them back in Cleveland Browns Stadium."
You're fucking right he got what was coming to him. Now I don't think he should have been hit or injured, spit on, anything like that but what did you want the Cleveland fans to do? They can't exactly all just move out of the way and even if they could, why should they? They're in the seats they paid for. That is the fans' area, the field is the players' and coaches'. I love the Lambeau Leap and if I played for the Packers and could actually jump (which if I played for the Packers I imagine I could) I'd do it. But I wouldn't go jump into the crowd at Soldier Field, Ford Field, or the Metrodome (or anywhere else). A fan threw beer on him? Big whoop. It isn't something I would do but then again, if I had front row seats at FedEx and fucking TO jumped into my lap...I don't know, maybe I would. If that fan had been removed from the game, I would have understood. The fact that he wasn't I understand as well. "Shouldn't allow them back"??? Pretty extreme there. At most, I would say if they took away one, maybe two games, I'd be ok with that. Either way, I think everyone handled it fine. Chad had his fun and jumped up by a Dawg Pound guy he'd apparently been talking to for a couple seasons. Fans got to "get back" at a rival's star player. No one was hurt, none of the parties involved had anything bad to say after the game, everybody goes home happy...except Michael David Smith who is never happy unless he is stirring up a hornet's nest.
Then, as I was finding these two stories in the backlogs of the Fanhouse, I come across one of the more recent examples of Michael David Smith: Moral Authority. ShruteSack, yeah I've decided that's the appropriate descriptor for the Shrutebag imitator, loves to get his righteous indignation on a couple times a week (see Michael Vick story when it became a couple times an hour).
"Merriman says that in his rookie year, he spent $32,000 on a dinner for the whole team. That is absolutely insane. Even if every single player on the 53-man roster showed up, that's more than $600 a man. Sure, he could afford it shortly after signing a five-year, $11.3 million contract, but that's just stupid."
First, if you can afford it, why is it stupid? Kobe spent $21,000 on Cristal just to put an uppity poker player in his place, who gives a fuck other than it's a funny anecdote (I wish Jordan had been there because I bet that wouldn't have ended until MJ bought several of the wineries in Champagne, France...or Charles Oakley slapped Kobe, that seems to be his preferred method of ending any arguments, and hey, it works). These guys have tons of money and a one night "splurge" that still doesn't equal a significant portion of their salary is hardly something to make note of, much less get all self-righteous "I don't care how much he makes, it's stupid." Second, "that is absolutely insane"? Ok, ShruteSack, go to NFL.com, go to Redskin videos, and watch the interview Joe Theismann gives about taking his linemen to dinner each week. 7 or 8 guys put down several thousand dollars in food (I think averaging close to $1,000 per head) and they did it weekly (and was 25 years ago, I wouldn't be surprised if it came close to $32,000 in today's money). So they spent a lot, they probably went to a fancy restaurant, ordered a ton of alcohol, and I bet none of it came from plastic bottles. Basically, ShruteSack needs to realize we're here for news, humor, and the breaking stories (and no, letting everyone know that nothing new has developed in the Vick case in the past half-hour does not count as a breaking story). ShruteSack thinks he's here to be the Shrutebag of the interwebs.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
What the hell was that? They showed LeBron backstage holding his son with (I'm presuming) his girlfriend and other friends/family around. Jimmy Kimmel was nagging him to bring out his son and show him off to the audience and you see LeBron leave the screen to come out. He steps onto the stage...and dunks his "son" wrapped in a blanket. Then he dropped this killer line, "Let's see Angelina Jolie adopt this baby."
Umm, yeah, what was the brain-trust that came up with this thinking?
Well we at ESPN gotta stay hip and current...LeBron just had a baby so let's include that, yeah that's good stuff. Ok...ummm...LeBron plays basketball so we can work that in somehow. Can he play basketball with his son? No no no, the baby's just a little thing, he's only about the size of a basketball. Wait...one...god...damn...minute.... He's the size of a basketball...LeBron can shoot him...well not the baby obviously, but what if we can make it look like he did. Wait no no, what if he misses, that'd be embarrassing. He can dunk it!!! BRILLIANT!!! Now we just need a killer line to bring down the house...kids, kids...Michael Jackson? No, he's not Now enough...What about a Dakota Fanning joke? No, she got raped in her last movie, child abuse=funny, rape=polite chuckles, c'mon keep up. Wait, what about Angelina Jolie! She's hot, she and Brad Pitt are so Now, and all she does is adopt kids. Fucking. Brilliant. Cheers! Man, we're as funny as...ummm...who's funny and Now? Dane fuckin' Cook. That dude is hilarious. We should team up with him and become the new Monty Python only without British accents or humor. After all, they made light of child abuse.
You're Killing Me Smalls.
I'm not going to bother with any uproar or anger people might have at the thought of pretending to be so abusive and callous towards a child, especially a baby. I've made my fair share, well more than my fair share, of child abuse/neglect jokes and will continue to do so. But my whole problem with this thing is it just wasn't funny or comical or anything other than dumb. Where is the humor or anything in dunking a "baby"? Shock value? The hoop on stage would have taken some of the shock away from the audience there and though the camera work tried to hide it from the TV audience you could tell something was amiss when LeBron walked out. Are we showing off that LeBron can dunk to the 3 people in America who might still wonder if he can or not? There was nothing spectacular in the dunk. There was no "wow" factor. I'm just so confused at this point. But there have been plenty of things in life that leave you confused up to the end then the punchline brings it all together. "Let's see Angelina Jolie try to adopt this baby." Again, WHAT?!?!? She adopts orphans first so unless you and your girlfriend plan on dying anytime soon that makes it difficult off the bat to adopt him whether you can dunk or not. Is it because you've killed your son by throwing him down from 10 feet up? "Oh haha, she can't adopt him if he's dead." And by the way LeBron, I know ya missed college and therefore your geography skills are probably lacking but you live in America big guy. She adopts 3rd world country kids. I know Cleveland sucks and the river burns but I still think Cambodia, the Sudan, Laos, or wherever else is a lot worse.
The ESPYs were ok. They were about what you could expect. For the most part LeBron did a nice job. But again, and the point of that was...?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
this guy can't stay healthy.
Grant Hill stopped being Grant Hill last week.
When Hill agreed to sign a two-year deal as a free agent with the Phoenix Suns, all that he stood for, all that people believed about him as he gutted and rehabbed his way through a series of ankle surgeries that rendered him more of a patient than a player, pretty much ended.
Hill left Orlando as soon as he could, despite all that money and all that affection on all those days when he never slipped out of his street clothes.
He left Orlando for a reported two-year, $3.8 million contract with Phoenix, a relative pittance that he can afford to accept now because of the piles of money paid to him by the Magic. That's because his contract, like so many in the NBA, was fully guaranteed and, well, that's how business gets done in that man's league. Teams assume certain risks, players assume certain risks and that simply is that. You want loyalty, go buy a dog. And so on and so forth.
But Grant Hill was supposed to be above that sort of thing. Grant Hill was a guy who showed his peers the right way, a new way, a way of smiling back to the folks who were paying and cheering and rooting and even feeling his ankle pain. Grant Hill was the player who paid his agent by the hour, rather than a fat commission to peddle his skills to the highest bidder. Grant Hill was a family guy who kept his name off the police blotter. Grant Hill was ...
Wait, we almost forgot. Grant Hill stopped being Grant Hill last week.
If Joe Schmoe down at the factory/shop/office showed up for work only 200 times out of a possible 574 work days and never saw his paycheck docked a dime, odds are good that Schmoe would think twice about that before taking a job somewhere else. Especially since, finally, he was able to give his bosses what they'd been paying him for all along.
What "ended when he signed with the Suns"??? That "new way, a way of smiling back to the folks who were paying and cheering and rooting and even feeling his ankle pain"? How often in the past 7 years have Magic fans bitched and moaned about the Hill signing? And how often did they try to trade Hill in the past 5 seasons? If Hill had been injured this past season you know he would have been a contract dump in some kind of trade. So he signed with a different team. He left Detroit as a free agent, why aren't people saying he betrayed Detroit? Most of all, what is he doing? Competing in sports...competing. Are we to assume he has no competitive fire? No desire to win a championship? Orlando had some things building there but then they went and did this as though they didn't learn anything from the Hill/T-mac contracts (and alienated Darko who wanted to stay there, was developing nicely, and worked well with Howard). If Hill had been drafted by Orlando, re-signed with the 7 year/$93 million deal and then left for Phoenix I might understand a little more. But the guy's time in Orlando has been hard on everyone there. Can't this also be seen as cutting your losses and just trying to move on? And that analogy he gives is God-awful. If Joe Schmoe nearly died while doing everything humanly possible to get back to his job, I think he'd reconsider staying for a lower salary. And I'm not saying it's about the money or the job itself but hey, you've been at a job where you've let down your co-workers through no fault of your own, cost the company a pretty penny, and nearly died...sound like a place you want to stay?
Really the bad thing with this article, besides the horrible analogy, is that the author claims Hill stopped being Hill...as in Grant Hill left the Orlando Magic when he became a free agent, something he'd never done before...except the one other time he was a free agent.
But hey, this article really makes a case against Hill.
So McGrady can demand a trade in the middle of his contract and bolt on a franchise a year after being the #8 seed. Can you really blame him? But Hill can do everything he can to get back on the court, play through his whole contract without ever getting down on himself or the team, get the team to an #8 seed, then sign elsewhere because his contract is up and his obligation to the Magic and their obligation to him is over and that is inexcusable. What???
McGrady was signed in 2000 with Hill and the two were supposed to dominate the Eastern Conference. With Hill’s injuries and McGrady’s impatience (can’t really blame him) the franchise fell under again, and now both are gone, as Orlando is again trying to put the pieces together.
What Hill did the Magic franchise is inexcusable. Again, I fell (or felt) bad for him, with all the injuries ruining his career. However, he owed the team something… his presence. The Magic were hoping that Hill would re-sign for the veteran’s minimum and contribute to a Magic’s playoff run this season. Hill might not have even started, but his leadership would have been great for a fairly young team, and him coming off the bench would greatly help out the team....
The bottom line is, the Magic had one the leauge’s best players in Tracy McGrady, and he left because there was no one to help him. For seven years, Orlando fans have bathed in mediocrity, a large part because of Hill’s lack of playing and his enormous contract. He had the chance to stay in Orlando, make things right, and help out a young team for a low price. Instead, he is looking out for himself and himself only, something I never would have expected from the “classy” Hill.
You're fuckin' Killing Me Smalls.
Guy A demands trade from mediocre team, can ya blame him? Guy B leaves a mediocre team--that just made a very, very, very, very suspect sign-and-trade--via free agency (which is how your team got Guy B) , tar and feather the indignant bastard.
Grant Hill expressed his loyalty to the team and fans by doing everything to get back on the court. He didn't dog it in rehab. He didn't take his sweet ol' time because he knew he was getting paid either way. His health suffered for it and the Magic's bank account suffered for it. That's the way the NBA is set up. If Orlando fans want to bitch, they should bitch that the NBA isn't set up like the NFL where players can be cut and contracts aren't guaranteed. Hill could have moved on, so could the Magic, we'd be at this same point now only years earlier and with no bitching.
Let's just say Hill does resign for the same price as he did with Phoenix and he's injured the whole season. It just turns into a replay of 5 of the past 7 years and just leads to people bitching he can't stay healthy for one season. If he's injured in Phoenix then at least again, it's in a different place and he can retire and just accept that no matter what he does, he's not going to be able to compete on a basketball court.
Grant Hill was a great player. Injuries robbed him of his best years. He's now a good player who is an injury liability who left the city that felt the brunt of his injury woes to get a change of scenery and compete for a title. Why is that so wrong?
This guy got it right.
Monday, July 2, 2007
You're killing me Europe.
Oh you silly Americans, you just don't get the nuances of "the beautiful game." Real football, or soccer as you peons across the Atlantic call it, is the most popular sport in the world for a reason. It is the great democratic game. It is not barbaric like your football or boring like your baseball. Soccer is a ballet, an opera on grass. There is nothing more beautiful than a well-timed cross for a header or the perfect through ball as the striker slips behind the defenders. And the World Cup draws more viewers than your pathetic Super Bowl. How can the rest of the world be wrong?
There is nothing beautiful about watching the best players in the world play scoreless for 2 hours then go to penalty shoot outs. About the only thing less appealing is the dive in the penalty box in extra time that leads to the penalty shot for the 1-0 victory. Soccer victory goes to the greatest floppers, period. So why does the rest of the world love this sport? Well, put simply, the rest of the world sucks. But let us delve deeper into that.
We can excuse much of Asia. East Asian countries (Japan, China, Vietnam, the Koreas, etc.) have taken a strong liking to baseball. Russia plays hockey, India and Pakistan play cricket, and the Middle East plays "kill the infidels."
Australia plays a lot of soccer but they more than make up for it with Australian Rules Football.
Africa, save for the random 7-footer who gets imported to play basketball because well he's a 7-footer, plays lot of soccer. But they're all going to die of AIDS in a few years so that problem will take care of itself.
Mexico on south lives and dies by soccer but, as the influx of Latin American talent and the World Baseball Classic can attest, baseball is a major influence as well so we can let them slide for now. Canada doesn't matter, they're not even a real country anyway.
Which leaves us with the great devil of the world: Europe. It wasn't bad enough that they brought slavery to the New World, caused two world wars and a holocaust, or make false claims in movies that France invented democracy and the blowjob (or think that throwing existentialism in makes existentialism matter). News flash France: the Greeks invented democracy and I'm sure it didn't take thousands of years of human existence to discover the blowjob(*edit* they didn't invent existentialism either). Anyway, in no particular order, the reason Europe sucks and sticks with soccer:
Britain: jealous America took rugby and cricket, decent sports, and made them awesome
France: limp wrists make blocking, tackling, pitching, shooting, basically anything involving the upper body, impossible
Germany: Jews and NFL: both make tons of money, both must die
Austria: All testosterone and manliness left with Ah-nuld
Italy: Would rather go to the Opera...pussies
Spain: Giving the defensive line the "ole," while crowd-pleasing, isn't very effective
Poland: Fought German tanks with cavalry in WWII, holding off on football until they find alternative to the leather helmet
Greece: Actual inventors of democracy stick with "democratic game" and boy fondling
Kosovo, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina: racial cleansing is all the sport they need
Ukraine: the Ukraine is weak
You're killing me Smalls.
And that's how this thing is going to go down. Or at least that's the founding concept for this: one more blog among the thousands out there taking the stupidity and ignorance found in sports and ripping it to shreds. My added twist to the sports scene, which I'm sure others do but I will make my job to beat into the ground, will be to channel my inner Great Bambi and provide excuses and explanations for whatever was said/written/done because in the end, it's all just one big misunderstanding. After all, what young lad of 10 wouldn't know who the Great Bambino is? Really, I coulda sworn you said the Great Bambi. And hey, let's go play with this cool ball my dad has that some candy bar chick signed. So, I'll beat this shtick into the ground and after a week or two I'm sure the three people who stumble across this site will make sure they never do so again. But that's fine, I've got my S'mores.